There is a worship song I really love, Wasteland by Needtobreathe. In it is a line that must speak to all of us in some way,
“All of these people I meet
It seems like they’re fine
Yeah in some ways I hope that they’re not
And their hearts are like mine”
How often do we hold something about ourselves buried deep within us because we feel like we’re the only ones who feel this way or do this thing? It’s a lonely place to be.
My purpose of this post is not for everyone to feel sorry for me. The purpose is for that person or people out there who are private like me. And they are private because they are afraid to share what is in their hearts. I want to tell you, dear one, you are not alone. I started this blog with the intention to let everyone out there who is feeling pressure to be perfect, to know that there is no such thing. In whatever your struggle is, you are not alone.
I have a grave tendency to be overly private (yes and I’m writing a blog….weirdo here). My thought is usually that I don’t want to burden someone with my burden. Or that no one is going to want to pay attention long enough for me to share what is on my heart.
I can’t say why I am the way I am. Fall of man? Maybe in elementary school somebody made fun of me? Who knows. The point is, letting myself be vulnerable is a daily struggle. Even with my husband. Sometimes, if I want to make sure I’m real with someone, I’ll rehearse what I say before I see them. I make talking points in my head.
Does this sound familiar to you? You’re not alone.
Other times, I tell myself to have a heartfelt conversation with someone. To let them know the truer, sometimes darker me. Then I freeze up and just skim the surface with meaningless talk. Because, they don’t care or have time for what I have to say.
But that is a lie, my friend. I lie to myself, and the enemy lies to me.
Sound familiar? You’re not in this alone.
I wish I could say this is my only troublesome spot in my ever twirling mind. Alas, I have more spots like this. But I also have many gifts, talents and treasured parts of me.
And so do you. We’re not alone in that either.